Friday 11 September 2015

Moment in Time: The dogs at the beach by Ursula

I look down to sea from the wharf, I see two dogs jumping around, splashing and yapping happily.
I run down to see them better, still when I get there playing in the water leaping in the salty sea.
The eyes of the big dog I just can't stop watching them. His eyes glow as blue as the dreamy Milky Way.
On the other hand the little dog yapping , hazel like wheat and its sort charcoal black fur, thickened by the light blue sandy water. The little dogs whiskery face sticking up like hay. Both of the dogs playing around.
I'm walking back to the wharf. I'm packing up my things to go home. I look at the dogs one more time then I walk home.

1 comment:

  1. Great work at checking to see if your writing stayed in the 'present tense' Ursula. You are really thinking about the success criteria of a 'Moment in Time' writing.

    Challenge:
    Where are you activated nouns? Try making them red and bold like Max W has, then we can see how many you have included. Remember that activating your nouns makes them do something and makes your writing POP!

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