Improved with buddy editing
On one practical weekend Kayla was woken up by a monstrous hammering she got up and walked outside into her glossy morning paddock. She found a man trying to open a broken down shed “what are you doing” demanded Kayla.
“I am trying to break this shed’ explained the man. Kayla was completely bored so she went back through here glossy morning paddock and into here house. Later that day she looked out here window surprised but mostly scared to see a unicorn falling to the ground.
Kayla ran outside and and fell to the ground beside the unicorn . Are you ok Kayla said to the unicorn fine actually said the unicorn. Jeepers said Kayla she was beside herself that the unicorn could talk. The unicorn asked Kayla if she wanted to learn to ride. Yes actually said Kayla she struggled to get onto the unicorn but she did she grabbed the reins and pulled and at the same time she held on.
Kayla loved riding the unicorn so she asked her dad if she was allowed a horse he said if you can ride Kayla lead him outside and showed him the unicorn but she wasn't there!!! Thanks to unicorn physiology for me using their photo.
This is what we started with…
One magical morning a girl called Kayla was woken up by a monstrous hammering she got up and walked outside into her glossy morning paddock. She found a man trying to open a broken down shed what are you doing demanded Kayla I am trying to break this shed said the man. Kayla was completely bored so she went back through here glossy morning paddock and into here house. Later that day she looked out her bedroom window.
and saw a unicorn falling to the ground below. Kayla ran outside and and fell to the ground beside the unicorn . Are you ok Kayla said to the unicorn fine actually said the unicorn.
Wow, your edited writing is so much more interesting, good work girls 😀
ReplyDelete